Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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