He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Randomize
