I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My vagina is very pro this idea
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
