Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
