I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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