He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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