"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
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totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
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I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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