we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
