Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
