Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
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So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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