when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
