Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
