She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
