you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
