He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
