Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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