I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I wish you could order shots online.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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