Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
