She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
