i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
