you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
its liver damage thursday
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
