so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
