i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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