She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
