i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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