I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
