We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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