Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
