At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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