her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
