It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
nutella sex= disaster
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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