I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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