no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
