I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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