Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
