my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I will be naked everywhere
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So. Much. Porn.
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