I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
