Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
