k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
