stop calling my apartment porn island.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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