Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
