Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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