i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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