I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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