At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
