i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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