a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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