There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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