New low: just hacked my moms facebook
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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