I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
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Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
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shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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