No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
