All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
