The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize