im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
kristin has been a bad kristin
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
