Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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