I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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