I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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