btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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