she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
