Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
