Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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