Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
