Just fell off a train. Bad.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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