420 ftw
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
