Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
