3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
