did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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