States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
