JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
