i can't believe i had my finger in that
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
