I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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