Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
