just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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